So... The Bachelor's first kiss didn't really go to plan
And by that we mean, it was absolutely NUTS.
Just when you thought The Bachelor: Honey Badger Edition had peaked during Wednesday's premiere, along came the pure soul-cringe that was episode two.
And by that, we mean one thing only: Romy.
AKA this chicka:
Essentially, last night's ep saw Romy go HARD for what she, in her Nicholas Sparks delusion, refers to a "kiss".
But we digress. Let's set the stage shall we?
After some awkward photo shoots with a handful of contestants - and some artful dodging of Stage Five Clinger Cass - Nick chooses Romy for a date sampling exotic snacks aka spicy pizza.
It seems to go well at first with Romy declaring, “I love jalapeños!” only for the HB to spectacuarly pour a tub cold water over any sort of spark:
“Ring stingers,” he corrects her.
“BUM BURNERS,” he then clarifies, raising his eyebrows.
But despite what is quite possibly the biggest turn off this side of actually sh*tting your dacks, it... kinda works and Romy makes her move.
And by 'move' we mean 'latch her mouth to his neck like a YA novel vamp'.
“I like to hold back a bit. And establish a real connection — try and make it more meaningful,” HB says, pulling on the reigns.
But Romy ignores his silly words and slowly warms him up by going for the jugular/jawline and trying to get near his mouth. He dodges, rejecting the kiss.
I mean...Poor bloke just wanted some bloody pizza and instead got his ear aggressively tongued...
“It’s getting a bit steamy in here,” he says.
“We better take this down a notch. I’d hate to hurt anyone’s feelings — it’s not my thing.”
AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE MOST WHOLE-BODY-CRINGEY BIT.
“I just can’t wait to see the girls’ faces when I tell them I kissed Nick," she says with the cold, dead eyes of someone who is actively re-writing their inner narrative.
“Yeah we had a really, like, romantic kiss. It was HOT. It was a great kiss. It was A REAL kiss,” she gushes.
“It was the right time and the right place. And it was just the right moment to do it. It wasn’t tacky it wasn’t forced. It was an organic, authentic kiss. It was a perfect kiss.”
She even tries to go again - while Shannon is crying in the loo over the whole thing - but gets his nose.
Look, it was a hot dumpster fire of cringe and inappropriate #its2018 behaviour. Vanessa Sunshine sums it up well:
"She's a shitty person"
It's also worth pointing out that the pushing of one's romantic intentions and 'warming up' of someone who's trying to pull away despite clear instructions to kindly stop, is suuupper problematic and should not be done by anyone of any gender anytime ever.
Like... just don't. Not even if you're competing with 20-odd other people.
Aaaaaaand the gal who doesn't wear shoes - Renee? - went home.
Image: The Bachelor / Channel Ten
ENOUGH WORDS! RELAX YOUR EYEBALLS WITH THIS VIDEO
Alessia Cara shocks Fitzy & Wippa with her stellar Aussie accent: